Law(ndry) And Order

The other day my laundry skills were being called into question by my wife who called me through to our kitchen to explain the pros and cons of tumble drying clothes- This is a job I have been doing full time for over a year and indeed had to be asked recently how the new iron worked, a new iron that was nine months old!! So back to the lecture which I have to say was going right over the top of my head straight into lala land where it would have remained had it not been for the wife's use of visual displays using clothes that I had shrunk as her examples.
Now there was a common theme to the shrinking of the washing and that was it all belonged to the wee one, there was one other common thread and that was none of the items being displayed as proof of my incompetence with the laundry had ever been tumble dried.
This now was a mystery and I was indeed back from lala land and was fully focused as to what the solution might be. This called for some real investigation, a job that I as the one defending my prowess as a house granddad would have to be the lead detective on.
I duly set about interviewing the possible suspects however this did not take long because the only other suspects were the ASBO gardener aka papa whose use of the laundry facilities begin and end at the dumping of clothes into the laundry basket, That led us straight onto suspect two the eighteen year old son who has not worked out that the washing machine needs to be turned on and has been known to load it returning to the scene a few hours later and be surprised that not only had the fairies not washed it they had not put it in the dryer either!!!
Leaving the wee one and even if she by chance had decided to put the machine to a boil wash or stick clothes in the tumble dryer there would be at least one or more items for other people in the household that would have suffered the same fate.
No this was indeed a mystery with only one conclusion according to the prosecution aka the wife, however like all the great detectives I was not about to give up the case without at least thinking out the box or in this case the wardrobe.
I decided it was time to look at all the wee ones clothes to see if there were more examples of the shrinking laundry- in the wardrobe there were a couple of items that had only been bought a few weeks ago and in fact had never been worn that looked no bigger than the items that were now marked as evidence!!
That my friends was the turning point in the investigation because when I put these new items against the items in the evidence room there was no difference in size.
That left only one answer the wee one had taken an almighty stretch, as we tried on new clothes that were too short on the legs and arms.
The prosecution dropped her case but fined me two hundred pounds anyway to be paid that day in the next store renewing a wardrobe for a wee one that is growing up fast.
I am happy to report that I have paid the fine, the wee one is delighted with her new clothes, my laundry skills have been cleared of all wrong doing and the prosecution binned its case although I have a feeling this particular prosecutor my have a go in the future on other grounds-I will keep my guard up and keep you posted.